Avoiding panic !

Since my last post a lot has happened and I am on a major emotional roller coaster ride of feeling great and feeling low.

So what has been going on the last 2-3 weeks?
I heard from a label that has shown great interest in me after the new music video release, which is fantastic. Have not decided on anything yet, but it is a great feeling to be in demand. Then I have been flat hunting and found a perfect flat that I moved into this weekend and now I just need to sort out a ton of paperwork. It always comes as a surprise for me how much practical stuff there is to do when you move. I'll let you in on a little secret...this is my move number 20 so I feel like staying here for a while !

To have this new beautiful flat should make me feel calm and happy. However, I immediately felt panic as I now have to find the money for a rent + utilities + insurances. In fact, until last week I have been living of my savings to focus 100% on my music so, mega panic as I used most of them on this flat.

When I panic I forget what is good for me and I have a tendancy to forget my mission (making music and performing) as I just need to get an income fast. That means that I go out and look for crappy jobs instead of looking for jobs I feel like doing. Then I have very little energy to be creative and work on my music and it all slips through my fingers. When I am not creative I get depressed and then I go looooow. Then I am in trouble! Believe me, I have tried it a few times. I hate how financial worries stop my good feeling and ability to create and I bet this is the most common worry we have.

Because I have tried choosing the wrong job so many times and forgetting my music I am so scared of getting new jobs out of the simple thought that it may happen again. That all I have achieved with my music will be lost, that I will get depressed cause I am not being creative. Yet, I need an income... and if I dont have money I also worry about how I will make ends meet and then I can't be creative, so yes, you could call this a vicious circle! It is about finding a balance here.

Last week I was lucky to start a good job that I like here in Berlin. It is mostly children and their parents I speak to and love the vibe there and I get energy from it, so I can make music when I get home. Another great thing is that I have to use my German, so I am getting really good at it.

In the middle of what sometimes feels overwhelming and chaotic it is so very important to keep reminding myself of what I already achieved in less than 6 months. It is not only the end result that is important but also the small goals I reach along the way! Hurray for those! They make me smile and keep the faith.

I keep writing, performing and putting my own songs out there cause this is what I am meant to do and by working on my music (new material, performing, promoting etc) every day if only for as little as an hour, I am doing something! I know I can do this cause never in my life have I wanted anything more.

I will keep you posted on how everything goes.

Until then you can enjoy this acoustic version of my electro/80sPop song Better off Alone and a new song called Heaven is a place on earth that I performed here in Berlin a month ago.

Keep your dreams alive!

Nina x